CrossFit Uncensored Superheroes

CrossFit Uncensored Superheroes

CrossFit Uncensored Superheroes – Hawkeye

Let’s start with my husband Ray. He’s by far the smartest CrossFitter at our box. He has better than 20/20 vision and is married to me. Duh, that makes him a freaking GENIUS! You have no idea how much strength is required to be married to me, have you met me? I’m challenging on a good day! He’s got mad skills with a sword and a little known fact, Hawkeye’s role as Ronin and Barton had mad skills with a katana and melee weapons. Just like Hawkeye, he can turn any object into a weapon. He’s small but strong and what he may lack in physical strength he makes up with pure genius.

Dustin, Dustin, Dustin dared to comment on my gift of gab. He’d better be more powerful than a locomotive and capable of leaping tall buildings in a single bound, because only family and friends dare to comment on my talkative nature. Then again if I were 6′+ feet tall, made WODs look like child’s play, I’d probably pick on people too! He’s invincible to pain and when you put so much weight on a bar that no one helps you put it back on the weight rack, you’ve earned the right to enter the fold and you can even call me Courtney without being shot but, don’t push your luck. LOL

Richard is a lot like my husband. Quiet and modest but, I wouldn’t want him on my bad side. He has super skills in acrobatic feats like those damn toes to bar things! THEY SUCK ASS! He also has the superhuman ability to detect my bullshit when I say I’m done not even halfway through a WOD! HAHA He’s a damn master at all of the strength crap and I’m pretty sure he could handle his own in a fight, henceforth, I never want him on my bad side. EVER! Daredevil is my friend and he has two adorable kids.

Bobby about died when I shouted, “I’m at 15 you liar.” He even apologized to my husband for having to deal with me. HAHAHA He’s a damn gazelle. His wife is gorgeous and his daughter is a sweetheart. But, I swear he has a ring that allows him to travel faster than the speed of light. I’m not exaggerating when I say he laps me at least two to three times during any running WOD.

Then there is Scott. CrossFit Uncensored owner, who swears he use to be out of shape. I don’t buy it but, then again Captain America was once frail too before being transformed into the perfect specimen of human development and conditioning. Are you making gagging noises yet too? Captain America and Scott’s strength, endurance, agility, speed, reflexes, durability and healing are at the supreme level of natural human potential. Makes me sick I tell you. Then there is that damn shield for blocking my BS excuses to get out of working out. I need to break that damn thing. I’m on a mission to break that SHIELD!

Kevin, the brother of Scott, who seems to have the potential for limitless physical strength that only becomes stronger with anger or rage. “The madder Kevin gets, the stronger Kevin gets.” He seems immune to injury or damage from intense and ridiculous WODs that suck like Hades. I think like Hulk he grows muscle tissue or something cause he seems to recover from ripped hands in a few seconds. He can resist psychic control too. I’ve tried and failed. DANGIT MAN!

Mike is a nice guy that knows he’s stronger and faster but, at least he’s not an arrogant ass! I hate arrogance. His girlfriend is gorgeous, sweet and smart and she could be arrogant too, but she’s not. I love his girlfriend Julie. I met her boyfriend Mike during Tabata Sit-Ups and he’s such a damn cheater. He says, “I’m pacing myself.” If my fat ass can do 10, you’re doing 10! Seriously! I’m so out of shape that my shins are falling off this week and after Tabata Sit-ups I have to roll out of the bed. He is clearly capable of rupturing steel plates and pulverizing rock, whether that be from optic blasts or pure strength, I have no idea. But people like him that cheat during Tabata Sit-ups make us mere mortals feel weak.

This isn’t even all of the guys in our box. Do you see what I have to workout with as a mere mortal? I think the odds are stacked against me and I plead my case to not have to complete a WOD ever again. However, I know that I’ll be back in the box, being smoked by the above superheroes, but one day my superhero abilities will be revealed and you’ll all be shocked! TAKE THAT SUPERHEROES!

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